The Loud Monster House
by Griper
Summary: A collection of oneshots about the Loud House where the sisters are Monstergirls and amorous towards Lincoln. Mostly light flirting, with a little bit of family bonding and World-building sprinkled in.
1. Chapter 1

In a cluttered and beat-up suburban house in a small Michigan city, there lived a white-haired young boy. He lay sprawled on the couch, lounging contentedly during a lazy evening off, when abruptly he sat up, brow quirked in sudden consternation as he peered around the empty living room before turning to the outer wall.

 _"When you live in a house with 10 sisters, you learn to accept that there's never enough space to completely avoid bumping shoulders with anyone. But some days the stars align and everyone curls up in a corner without crowding out anyone else, and as appreciable as that is, you should never let that put you off guard for too long, or else you'll be caught flat-footed and get swept up in what I think of as 'Roundup Hour'"_

As if on-cue, a booming male voice rang out from the kitchen, "Alright kids, dinner is good for grabs!" The proclamation hung in the air for a long moment, then like an old locomotive getting its engine relit, the pockets of restful inhabitation within the house and yard slowly but with increasing animation turned over and chugged into motion.

The first to follow the call was a lilac-skinned snakegirl, her dark-scaled serpent tail gliding smoothly down the stairs even as she talked absorbedly on her cellphone.

"I'm so sorry to hear that Bobby," the Echidna gushed over the line, "But you made the right choice; family comes first and your sister needed your emotional support, if that jerk manager can't acknowledge that, then it's better not to lock in a job under him. Don't worry, you'll bounce back, you're an absolute _wizard_ when it comes to job hunting ." The phone droned indistinctly as she listened, then her face suddenly screwed up and the snakes in her hair seethed "No, I cannot 'just put a good word in' for you with my own boss-"

"Oh Lori~, are we still on for a trip to the mall together later?" a perky Harpy with pale plumage chimed as she exited the kitchen, stepping over Lori's tail blithely as the eldest sister's argument turned heated, then frowning in confusion.

"Or...did we already go earlier? I forget, when were we supposed to-THERE'S A SPIDER ON THE WALL CLOCK!" She shrieked, flapping her wings in a panic and launching herself on top of a cupboard. She huddled there panting for a moment, before blinking and looking around in curiosity. "What am I doing up here again?" She wondered, before an old snowglobe caught her eye. "Ooh, sparkles." Placated, she picked up the snowglobe, giggling with delight as the flakes swirled with each shake.

A thunderous clapping of hooves sounded before a skinny Satyr cleared the stairs in a single leap and landed with a whoop. "Leni you loopy bird, get your tail feathers down from there!" She called boisterously in an affected British accent, "Come on you lot, that goes for all of you! It's time to get down and make some noise!" She exclaimed, dropping to her knees and strumming her guitar for punctuation.

A mousy-looking Mad Hatter in neat blouse and plaid skirt suddenly leaned over the goatgirl's shoulder out of nowhere. "Geez Luna, you're not usually this saucy unless you've dipped into Mom's." The Hatter girl snorted at her own weak pun. "Heheh, get it? Saucy? Hitting the sauce? Seinfeld? Eh? Eh?" She turned to address the rest of the room with an open-mouthed, expectant grin on her face, mushroom hat pulled off in a flourish, "I'm here all week every week people."

"Heads up Luan!"

The mushroom girl yelped and jerked back as a soccer ball streaked through the open window, sailing perfectly into her still doffed top hat and punching through the top. A gangly young Salamander then hoisted herself through the window, grinning cheekily as she swept her sweaty hair out of her eyes. "How many points should that be worth?" She quipped, pointing at the ripped-up mushroom as she went to pick up her ball. "I scare myself with how good I am sometimes. I'm like a sniper if they kicked bullets at people." She smugly declared as she bounced the ball on her knees, before whipping around and batting it with her tail.

The ball promptly bounced off the windowsill and took off like a pinball, ricocheting off the flooring, then the coffee table, then the TV stand, gunning straight for the athlete's gobsmacked face-

Before a dark shadow coiled on the ceiling lunged down and snatched it out of the air. A frozen heartbeat passed, before the figure hooked it's body backwards and upwards to face the rescued girl with an enunciated _Sigh_. "One of these days Lynn, you're going to level this house with us all still inside, and yours will be the only body I won't reanimate."

So saying, the Oomukade dropped heavily from the ceiling, clicking deliberately up to the window before tossing the ball back onto the yard.

"Oh, you wish that would happen just to have an excuse to Frankenstein us all, isn't that right Lucy?" A chipper voice proclaimed. The front door opened and in stepped a diminutive figure, dressed in stained overalls. "Lynn's a good girl, and I put enough love in this house to let it stand up to a meteor strike." The Dwarf tapped a wrench proudly against the wall, grinning a gap-toothed grin.

"Oh, is that why you still haven't plugged the mouse holes like you promised you would last month?" A snide voice countered. The speaker flounced down the stairs, a pink dress-adorned body double to the little Dwarf that just entered the house, were it not for the upright horns over her forehead.

"Are the mice reinforcing the walls for you Lana?" The little Redcap taunted her Dwarf twin as she turned to inspect her reflection in her pocket mirror, fiddling with her floppy cap and the tiara pinned to the front of it.

Lana scowled fiercely, but before she could retort a mechanical whirring noise sounded from the corner coat closet, and from within stepped out a starfish-like mobile pedestal, upon which stood a tiny animal-eared girl with outsized glasses and a stern face. Seemingly with nothing more than a glance at their direction, the little Gremlin directed her walker to the twins.

"Forgive me for cutting you off when you're so clearly shpoiling for a fight Lola," the little genius spoke, deadpan through her lisp, "But I couldn't help but notice an anomaly while checking my mana monitor and deduched that you've once again neglected your daily shupplement. Please do so now before we have another neighborhood incident to clean up."

Lola's eyes flashed dangerously in her reflection as she tightened her grip on the short iron spear she carried like a scepter, before snatching the offered vial with a pasted-on grin.

"Oh course Lisa, my _dear_ little sister. Thank you once again for always caring for my health enough to make sure I gulp down this _tepid paste_ day in and day out."

Lisa stared impassively up at Lola, saying nothing as she grudgingly swigged down her medicine. "When your chemical imbalances are liable to send you on frenzied rampages, your health is a community-wide concern. I wish you'd be a little less blasé."

"Whatever," Lola growled, checking her hat absentmindedly for red stains. "So can we eat now?"

"Well, there's only nine of us down here," Leni observed, finally climbing down off the cupboard, "So we're still waiting on two more of us."

"Remember to count yourself Leni!" Lori called over her shoulder before submerging herself back into her phonecall.

"Oh. Make that one then."

"Lincoln's already down here, so that means Lily," Lana chimed looking around. "Where is that little tyke anyway?"

"Mother took her to the doctor's, to get her schuppressors refitted." Lisa helpfully supplied.

"Weren't they due back by now?"

"Maybe there was a complication that had to be taken to the morgue."

"Oi now love! I get that's your thing Lucy, but there's a limit to how dark your jokes should get."

"Aw, lighten up about throwing shade Luna! Dark humor is harmless."

"Guys!" Lynn called, leaning half out the window, "Mom and Lily just arrived."

So saying, the door opened again and in squeezed a voluptuous Echidna carrying a baby Imp with white demon-features.

"Oh hello girls, Lincoln. I hope little Lily and I are in time for dinner?"

"Yes Mom. Dad's still in the kitchen." Lincoln finally spoke up, getting off the couch.

"Well then, everyone file in."

Lincoln watched as his sisters queued up and followed their mother into the kitchen, before delivering his final say on the matter.

 _''I'm sure you can imagine the amount of friction that can be found in a group this big and mismatched, but I wouldn't trade any part of this for the world. We're all family, and family loves each other through any and every spat. There's never a dull moment in this Loud House, and at the end of the day, we all have good relationships with each other and-"_

"Oh Lincoln~! Where's my favorite boy in the world to serve up some _dessert_ ~?"

Lincoln stilled, slack-jawed and blushing ferociously at the euphemistic summons, and the chorus of girl voices laughing in approval and launching their own bawdy invites.

" _Um, s-see? A real close and, uh, ''loving'' sibling bond between me and them. Eheh, yeah_." And on that note, Lincoln trotted for the kitchen, a little scared and a lot embarrassed to see what his sisters felt was "good to eat" tonight.

EDITED IN A/N:

I got a couple of reviews saying they had a hard time following which girl was which and what species they all were. My apologies for not conveying that clearly enough. Here's a quick list;

Lori Echidna (Lamia) as is Rita, Leni Harpy, Luna Satyr, Luan Mushroom Dryad, Lynn Fire Salamander, Lucy Giant Centipede-girl, Lana Dwarf, Lola Red Cap (Goblin), Lisa Gremlin, Lily Imp. Lincoln and Lynn Sr. stays human.


	2. Chapter 2

Lincoln yawned as he fiddled his locker open, peering blearily at the numbers of the combination lock with frustration before pausing a moment to address the air.

 _When you live in a house with ten sisters, you can definitely count on someone wanting to dote on you at any given time. But when there's only one you and nine girls wanting to baby you at once, your entire essential schedule could seize up and leave you underserved._

"Hey Lincoln, you feeling okay?"

"Oh, hey Clyde," Lincoln acknowledged his friend without looking up, "Yeah, I'm fine, give me a second."

Lincoln finally managed to click open the lock. Satisfied, he turned fully to address Clyde, "Why're you worried?"

Clyde shrugged, "You just look dead on your feet dude, what's up? Stayed up rereading comics? Midnight ghosthunting marathon?"

"It's nothing like that man." Lincoln pulled his books out of his locker before continuing, "It's my sisters again."

"What happened this time?"

Lincoln gave a sigh to put Lucy to shame at that question. "Ugh. Something that's getting to be way too typical. So I bumped into Leni outside the bathroom after I finished getting ready for bed, and she gets it in her head that she should take me to my room and put me in bed."

"That sounds kinda nice Lincoln."

"That wasn't the end of it Clyde. While Leni's doing that, Lori passes by my room and hears her. So then Lori gets another of her 'motherly impulses' and barges in, demanding to be allowed to perform a 'proper' tuck-in session."

"You got _Lori_ to tuck you in last night?! And you're _complaining_!?"

"So she makes enough of a ruckus to get the rest of the girls' attention!" Lincoln pushes through with the story before Clyde loses it, "And at that point nothing would do but that everyone gets a turn at fussing over me in bed. It took half an hour for all the girls to clear out! And when they finally did, they almost immediately started sneaking back in at intervals all through the night to try to be the last one to check up on me."

"Well Lincoln I must say; I still don't see what's so bad about Lori fussing over me in bed."

Lincoln glared at his friend balefully. "Well Clyde," he began sarcastically, "if you want to trade places you're going to have to accept the whole set, which means your ten minutes of Lori time per night would come with a free 80 minutes of: Lynn jumping on your bed, Luna tickling your face and setting up pranks, Lisa prodding you with lab equipment, and more besides."

That seemed to get through to Clyde, "Mmh. I see your point. Sorry you have to go through all that."

Lincoln sighed. "It'll be okay, at least school is usually quiet," he said tiredly, leaning against the lockers.

As the two boys stood together, a heavy clacking came from down the hall, moving towards them. Lincoln heard the staccato sound behind him, edging closer between lengthy pauses, and called to the person he could safely assume was making it.

"Not _today_ Ronnie Anne! I'm tired."

The hoof-falls behind him stopped, then started up again, getting faster and harder. By the time Lincoln had processed she was charging, his assailant had already barreled into him, sending both of them to the ground.

"HA! Not getting out of it that easily Loud!" A rough female voice crowed above Lincoln. He grunted and managed to flip over beneath her as she tried to pin him, looking up at a leering, buck-toothed face with sweeping horns and feeling coarse-furred legs and hard hooves dig into his sides. The Minotaur atop him met his gaze domineeringly, before suddenly becoming concerned, "Dude, are you okay?"

"Oh, Lincoln's just sleepy because his sisters kept waking him up in the middle of the night to see if he was sleeping okay." Clyde chimed in earnestly.

That caused Ronnie Anne to start laughing, which Clyde joined in on after a beat. Lincoln just sighed and rolled his eyes, waiting for them to get over it and let him up.

"Oh man Lincoln, that's rich!" Ronnie Anne snickered to his face.

"I guess so." the boy in question agreed, "I'd laugh to if I had the energy for it."

Just then the first bell rang. Clyde and Ronnie Anne jumped, scrambling to homeroom with teasing forgotten. Lincoln sat up with effort and gathered his dropped books before trudging after them.

Lincoln managed to get through the doorway just as the second bell buzzed.

"Ah Lincoln. Just in time, excellent."

"Thank you Mrs. Johnson." Lincoln replied back. His Merrow teacher smiled at him with fondness, flipping her dark pink fish tail absentmindedly as she gestured for him to take his seat.

"Alright class!" She announced once everyone was sitting, adjusting her cap and rolling her wheelchair next to the blackboard, "Today we're going to be studying different biomes and the global weather patterns that help form them."

Lincoln flipped open a notebook and held a pencil ready, but his head was too murky to follow along with the lecture very well. He slipped in and out of an upright doze, occasionally jotting down a quick bullet point if a sentence stood out to him when he could focus on Mrs. Johnson's words clearly.

"Lincoln, are you alright?"

Lincoln started in his seat and looked up at Mrs. Johnson.

"Y-yes ma'am."

"That's good, so do you feel up for marking the biomes on the map?"

"Uh, sure?"

Lincoln heaved himself up and approached the blackboard. Some of the terms where common knowledge, and he had written one or two down at his desk, but looking at the exercise map, it probably wasn't enough. He'd just have to do what he could.

In the words of Lucy: _Sigh_.

His classes passed by in similar fashion, until finally school let out and he was on his way back home with Clyde by his side.

"Well that was a slog."

"No kidding man, you look beat Lincoln."

"Yeah, I'm not up for any more activity today." Lincoln turned to enter his house. "See you tomorrow Clyde."

"What? You tell me you can't hang out after I walked this entire way back with you!" With an affronted harrumph, Clyde turns and sets off for his own house.

Inside Lincoln is greeted by his sisters milling around the house as always. Lincoln yawned widely, then shuffled to the couch.

Luna was sitting on the sweetspot, lounging back with a spare pick in her mouth as she plucked at her guitar. She looked up distractedly as her brother approached, "'Ey there love, how's life?"

Lincoln grumbled as her crawled onto a lumpy patch on the other end of the couch and curled up on it.

Luna frowned in worry as she sat up, "Everything alright there Linc? You look like death warmed over."

Lincoln just half-laid on his side, eyes dropping.

Luna addressed the rest of the room in slight panic "Girls, Lincoln's clocked out!"

As one, the rest of the girls crowded around the couch, looking for what was wrong with their boy.

"Come on Lincoln," Lynn cajoled him, the flames on her tail spluttering in agitation, "We still have daylight to burn!"

"Yeah, what's got you so drained twerp?" Lori pressed, checking his temperature.

Lincoln gave a (very manly) whine at the attention. "You keep me up all night," he mumbled insensately, "Let me sleep now."

"Kept him up all night?" Leni repeated cluelessly, "That makes no sense, I only checked on him... uh" she started counting on her wing talons "One, two, three, four... a little over four times."

"I checked up on him a lot last night too." Lynn piped up.

"As did I" Lisa said.

"Someone had to make sure he didn't stop breathing in the night." Lucy asserted as she paced across the wall.

"Hold on, hold on. Was everyone popping in and out of Lincoln's room last night?" Lori asked. The rest of the girls looked around at each other sheepishly.

Lori sighed, "Obviously all of us piling on him at once at all hours is doing harm not good."

"But we can't just leave Lincoln all by himself!" Leni countered.

"Ahem, if I may," Lisa drove her walking pedestal forward, "I think it is posshible for us to look after Lincoln without compromising his rest."

Lincoln woke up an hour later alone and with a crink in his neck. He got up and through the rest of his day with minimal trouble, recovering enough energy to complete his homework and chores. His sister all apologized to him one by one as he passed by them. He didn't hold it against them, but he did want his sleep.

Eventually the day ended and he settled in bed, hoping he could have an uninterrupted night this time. As if on cue, right then Lori let herself in.

"Hey squirt, ready to sleep?"

Lincoln groaned, "When do the rest of them come in."

Lori chuckled at Lincoln's reaction as she slithered to his bedside, "Don't worry Linc, we put a rotation together while you were napping, it's just me tonight, and tomorrow someone else."

"Oh." Lincoln settled back in, "Okay then."

"Hmph, here." Lori deftly tucked her little brother in, brushing down his hair. "Tommorrow's the weekend, feel free to sleep in."

Lincoln smiled "I'd like that."

Lincoln woke up on Saturday late, and made his way down to eat cheerfully.

His sisters were just finishing up their meals when he came into the kitchen, with Lori manning the counter.

"Heh, I expected you to be even later. Want some brunch little guy?"

Lincoln grinned and took a seat, "So long as you're offering."

Lori turned to the counter, only to have Luan snatch her cooking utensils out of her hands.

" _Actually_ , I would like to offer my services too." Luan stated, turning to the stove, "I could make some sunny-side up eggs on a sunny day. That'll put some _pep_ -per in your step for sure."

"Come now Luan," Lisa came forward suddenly, "If anyone should be feeding Lincoln it should be someone with an appreciable knowledge of nutrition."

And with that all the girls crowded to getting in a slowly growing argument, each one demanding to be the one to feed Lincoln.

In response Lincoln just sighed.

 _Looks like my eating schedule is next to go through an upheaval._


	3. Chapter 3

"Ugh, they're playing nothing but tripe on these music stations nowadays!"

"Put on a show and see if any of them have good background music Luna." Lincoln called to his sister from the kitchen. Finishing putting together his sandwich, he hurried to put everything away and trotted back to the living room with his plate, walking in on the guitarist Satyros flicking through the channels frustratedly.

"American football...some cheap sci-fi TV movie...rebooted cartoon shows...Argh! Why is there nothing good to watch on the bleedin' Telly nowadays!?" Luna finally snapped, tossing aside the remote as she carried on her outburst, affected accent thickening as she raged.

Lincoln took a spot next to her and set his plate down, typing a random channel number on the discarded remote hoping that the next channel would appease Luna. "Uh look, there's a new cooking show on right now."

"Hmph, fine. Leave it on; maybe they'll have something decent looking to roll out for a TV dinner." The antsy goatgirl quieted down rapidly, settling back grumpily to watch. Lincoln sighed in relief and tucked into his sandwich as his sister leaned against him and the two of them watched the first round of amateur chefs consult their directions and begin mixing foodstuff together. This went on for a couple of minutes until-

*Thud* went the front door. Lincoln jumped in his seat and looked over the back of the couch to see Lynn yanking her pads off furiously at the threshold.

"Uh- is everything alright Lynn?"

The Salamander-girl in question whirled to face the intruder into her spiral of wrath, but upon registering it was her brother merely cut herself off with a grunt and stomped for the stairs. She ascended with heavy footfalls, seething acidly enough that wisps of flame periodically shot out of her nostrils and the spaces between her teeth.

There was a sigh as another figure passed through the open door. Lori leaned against the wall as she dragged the rest of her snake-half into the house, shutting the door with a flick of her tail-tip.

"Oi Lori, wot's with the firecracker?" Inquired Luna, having watched Lynn disappear up the second story.

Lori sighed again just at being addressed, "Well guys, Lynn got a bit too 'fired up' in her soccer match and set some equipment on fire. She's been put on probation for a week to learn how to manage her emotions."

"Is that right then? A Salamander, at her age, just getting heated up, and they want to punish her for that?"

"Look Luna, I explained that to them already, and all the officials understood perfectly. But this is them already being lenient; they can't just let any players get carried away and burn the ball and nets without consequence."

"Oh come off it," Luna dismissed, "If she doesn't hurt anything, they shouldn't be making a meal of it."

"No sense in getting into an argument over it between us." Lincoln pointed out, getting off the couch. "It wouldn't hurt to try to help Lynn learn not to go out of control, and if it happens again and she still doesn't hurt anyone, we can take it up with the coaches or whatever then."

"Eh, fair enough, but 'ow exactly are we gonna be getting ol' Lynn's temper tamped down?" Luna asked, watching him cross the living room.

Lincoln waved her off "We'll get on that in a bit, for now let me talk to Lynn and make sure she'll cooperate."

Lincoln ambled his way up to Lynn and Lucy's bedroom. He paused at the door upon hearing a rhythmic thumping sound coming from inside, but it was clear after listening for a second that it was just Lynn bouncing a ball off a wall and nothing to worry about. Squaring himself, he reached slowly for the handle of the door and-

"Do you think you'll need back-up?"

"GAH! Lisa!" Lincoln nearly tripped over himself whipping around to find his second-youngest sister looming over him. How she always snuck up on him on her clanky crab-legged walker he'd never know.

"Well?"

"No! Lynn's not out of control or anything, I just want to try to talk her out of her funk right now and maybe start thinking of ways to keep this from happening again tomorrow."

"Okay, but I have a canister of flame-dampening foam on hand if this situation escalates."

"Completely unnecessary." Lincoln repeated emphatically, before turning back to the door and letting himself in. Lynn sat on her bed, fuming mightily and tossing a basketball up hard enough to hit the ceiling before coming down into her cupped hands.

"Hey Lynn."

Lynn just huffed, not breaking her rhythm.

"Mind if I sit by you?"

Lincoln didn't receive an answer, but took it as a sign of no objection. He settled in next his Salamander sister, his side immediately becoming toasty from her simmering heat.

"I'm sorry about what happened today. I wish I could have been there to maybe do or say something. If you feel like it, I'd like to hear your side of what happened."

Lynn caught her basketball and held it for a long moment, before giving an aggravated grunt and letting it drop before turning to her brother.

"It was such a load of crap today Linc! Our match was almost put off because of how the weather was acting up, then when we actually got to start playing the opposing team got away with a bunch of dirty moves in the first half that the ref just wasn't paying attention to. By the end of the match I was wound up and completely done with it all, but we still managed to turn everything around. Last shoot of the game was on me, and I was in the zone. I put power in that punt, and apparently it was enough to ignite the ball. Some stuff blew up on contact and everyone was running around and yelling at me. One of the moderators want to disqualify me! They didn't because no one got hurt and we'd already tipped the score and run down the clock before my shot, but still! And now I'm gonna be watched like a hawk as though I'm some timebomb and it's such utter bull!"

"Hey, I'm on your side here!" Lincoln said, hands up in an appeasing gesture.

Lynn growled before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Yeah yeah, I know. I'm sorry but this day has been completely unfair."

"I understand that Lynn," Lincoln assured her, "I agree the adult just overreacted, but you know the best you to prove it and get them off your back is to go out there next week and prove you don't have a temper problem."

"And how do I do that."

"You, me, and the rest of the girls are gonna practice together, but instead of learning new moves, you gonna train to not blow up when things go wrong."

Lynn scowled at her lap, but after a moment sighed and relented. "Screw it, fine. Let's learn to keep the fire down."

Lincoln smiled at Lynn, which she returned begrudgingly. All of a sudden a scrabbling sound came from the vent. Lincoln and Lynn looked towards it apprehensively. The clicking continued, getting louder and closer, until...

Lucy popped her head out the loose bent cover, antennae waving. "So if Lynn's already finished moping, can I have the room to myself for a bit? The negative atmosphere she's put out is just the leg-up I've been needing for my latest necromancy studies."

.Oo

Lynn's practice started the next day, everyone agreeing she should take the rest of that first night to rest and cool off. Lincoln set up a net in the backyard and dug up an old ball for Lynn as the girl in question went through her stretches.

"Okay, so how we doing this?" The Salamander girl questioned between puffs of breath as she did jumping jacks.

"We're just gonna put you through your basic paces, with some stuff in place to get you riled." Replied Lincoln.

"What exactly do you have 'in place'?"

"Well, to start we've got someone on defense who's... antagonistic."

"The heck is that even supposed to-LOLA?!"

"The one and only, you Tomboy-Supreme.~" The little Redcap curtsied and grinned maliciously as Lynn rounded upon seeing her, twirling her iron spear in her hand as she struck a pose in front of the goal.

"Lincoln," Lynn tugged her brother to her side as she hissed between clenched teeth, "What on Earth made you think this was a good idea?"

"I figured you needed to square off against someone that could really make your blood boil, and Lucy wouldn't budge from her spellbooks today." Lincoln whispered back, "Please just roll with it, getting her out here alone cost me a promise for two weeks of unconditional butler roleplay."

Lola somehow heard and felt the need to pipe up, "Um, ex~cuse me, my new preferred term is seneschal."

Lincoln sighed, "Right, of course. Unconditional seneschal roleplay. So let's give it a round to make it a least partially worth it."

The boy got off the field and went to sit with the rest of the girls. Lisa had a space specifically cleared out for him, and launched into a commentary of how things were progressing almost before he took the seat. "I don't think the phrase 'courting disaster' comes anywhere closhe to adequately conveying the sheer level of inciting another family feud you are engaging in with this little scheme Lincoln."

"I doubt it'd get that bad."

"I still stand by my assertion that an automatous fire extinguisher drone shadowing Lynn would curtail any instance of this problem where and whenever bit arise."

"Well, how about first we give her a chance to get a handle on this issue internally?"

Lynn at that point finally kicked off, putting the debate on hold. She made short, controlled kicks as she rolled the soccer ball across the available space in the backyard, face screwed up in concentration. Lola stood in the goalie spot, leaning on her pike/scepter with an exaggeratedly (even for her) insolent expression.

"C'mon meathead! You think I'm out here for my tan?"

Lynn jerked her eyes up and glowered darkly as she juggled the ball between her feet, lining up her first shot. A couple second of rapid footwork passed, then she gave a diagonal kick, scooped the finer back to her, then lashed out with a forward punt that went flying The soccer ball sailed up in a strong upwards arc-only to be batted back to the ground by Lola deflecting it with her spear.

"What the hell Lola?! That's so cheating!"

"Kind of the point Junior, what are you gonna do? Take that complaint to a referee?"

Lynn snarled as she went to retrieve her ball and try again. This went on for a couple of minutes, with Lynn kicking the ball only for Lola to block it with the reach of her spear and a haughty taunt. Lynn got more incensed with each deflect.

"What's the matter Lynn? Lola heckled, "Can't keep up with the Little League Circuit anymore?"

"I show you a League performance!" Lynn roared, tail blazing as she ran the ball to the edge of the yard and launched it with full strength. The ball knocked Lola's spear out of her hand, sending it flying end over end until it crashed through the kitchen window.

Everyone stared at the the damage stunned until Lana jumped to her feet. "I can fix that!" The little dwarf declared to no one in particular, hurrying to clean the evidence of them playing with fire as Lola took a seat, nursing her bruised wrist.

Lincoln had only one thing to say at this. "Dang it."

.Oo

"Lincoln," Lisa snapped, "This charade has already proven itself uncontrollable and hazardous. You need a better plan than just inciting our sister and praying she somehow attains enlightenment in how to channel her outrage constructively in the moment."

"Lisa relax, I have this under control." Lincoln insisted. "And if you haven't noticed, I have a bunch of other ideas in the works. Keep yourself centered Lynn!" This last sentence aimed at the Salamander of the hour, attempting to keep a ball balanced on her head.

"Lincoln, I don't see how this is supposed to help!" Lynn groaned, bouncing the soccer ball to keep it from rolling and bobbing her head to prevent it tipping.

"Well think of it this way; this is exercising your mental focus, so you can keep a clear mind and stuff."

"Ooh, kinda like how when I go to the spa and get preened it makes my wings all smooth and loose when I come out?" Leni asked.

"Uh sure Leni, whatever."

"Hmph," Lola snorted, "someone owes me a massage after that brute nearly took off my hand!"

"I've been wanting to go to the spa every since I learned they have mud baths." Lana added to the conversation.

"Can you girls pipe down?" Lynn snapped warningly as she fumbled the ball on her crown.

"Aw come on Lynn, think of this all as part of your home-field advantage, heheh." Luan grinned.

"Do we have anything planned for dinner tonight?" Luna asked out of the blue, "Because I was watching that new cooking show again today and they had some good home dishes."

"Yeah well, call a gourmet chef in for all your home meals if you want some fancy set-up." Lori remarked snidely, not looking up from her phone screen.

"Oh, stuff it Lori, I wouldn't bring it up if it wasn't something economic."

"Seriously," Lynn growled, "You all are throwing me off my-"

"Ooh, you know I read up on a new fad diet with a friend the other day." Leni chimed.

"Oh Leni, simple Leni," Lola condescended, "Even little old me knows that a good figure is something that can only be cultivated in the genes."

"I have a hard time shopping for jeans."

"Ha! Nice set-up Leni!" Luan cheered.

"Do you think mom and dad will notice the soldering lines on the window?" Lana mused.

"Girls-"

The backside suddenly slammed open, "Did you know it is possible to create undead out of still animate bodies?" Lucy said as she marched out to join them. "You can literally bring someone back to life as you kill them."

"Hah! There was no part of those words that wasn't metal as all get Luce." Luna laughed.

"Ugh, seriously!" Lynn suddenly exploded, throwing aside the ball, "I'm asking for some quiet while I-"

Lynn spluttered as she was hosed down with white foam. Behind her stood Lisa, a little rotor-equipped fire extinguisher hovering at her side with a clipped on pair of little robot arms emptying the canister on Lynn.

"Lisa what the heck?!" Lincoln admonished.

"I believe a more material means of cooling off Lynn is called for at this-" The stoical Gremlin got cut off as Lynn shook off the foam, tail sparking malevolently as she turned around.

"I'm gonna take that little automated stroller you're still hooked up to and toss it in a lake with you still on it!"

"Oh my goodness!" Lisa retreated in a rare display of open fear, periodically blasting Lynn full in the face with what was left in her extinguisher as the older girl gave chase.

Lincoln just sighed at the spectacle.

.Oo

"Okay, let's just try working off all that pent-up aggression before a game happens to begin with."

Lynn grunted, spiking her ball at the line of dummies she had been provided with precision, nailing most in the anatomical-equivalent soft parts with resounding force.

Lincoln winced as Lynn seemed to only be working herself back up again. "You know, maybe we need a professional touch."

Lynn did not take well to that comment, "Oh, now you think I need a shrink!?"

"Lynn, that's not what I meant-"

"Oh spare me already Lincoln, all you've done today is upset me worse and worse and let me loose on the field. What need you expect me to do? How is this supposed to help!?" In punctuation of her outburst, Lynn punt the ball as hard as she could. The battered missile streaked through the air, overshooting the dummy and soaring towards the street, and at a dark, slight figure ambling jauntily towards them.

"Hey Lincoln, are you feeling up to-eek!" Clyde by some miracle managed to side-step the soccer ball flying straight at him. "Oh wow, that was some-oof!" Unfortunately for Clyde, the ball immediately ricocheted off a streetlight and bowled him over from behind.

"Clyde!" Lincoln rushed over to his friend, heedless of his sister standing paralyzed in shock and indecision behind him.

Clyde groaned as he propped himself up on his elbows as Lincoln checked his back. "I'm okay Lincoln," he insisted, "nothing a long round on a massage chair can't work the kink out of."

"Well, if you're sure..." Lincoln relented, getting distracted as he heard the door swing close roughly. "Lynn don't just run off!"

Lincoln ran inside after his sister, leaving Clyde to pick himself up. He got indoors fast enough to see her literal tail-end round the corner, following her graceless exit around the house and up the stairs. He made it up the second floor to catch Lynn as she finished ushering Lucy back out their room and shut the door. The boy approached the door slowly, giving Lucy an apologetic glance as he stepped over her segmented body.

"Lynn, can we talk?"

"Go away!"

"Lynn please, Clyde's alright."

"It's more than that!"

"Look, we both wanted to keep this from happening, but now that it did we need to figure out where to go from here."

There was silence for several seconds before the sound of the lock turning hit Lincoln's ears. The door open to reveal Lynn's morose face, fighting to keep from crying.

"Hey now," Lincoln attempts to reassure her gently, leading her to sit on her bed, "Clyde's gonna be fine. You just have him a bump in the back."

"But he could have been hurt worse," Lynn pointed out, "I could have got him square in the head, or earlier I could have made something in the kitchen blow up, or I could have set someone on fire instead of just the net at my game. I'm a disaster waiting to blow now."

"No you're not!" Lincoln insisted, "You are a great athlete and an even better friend and sister who's just a bit of a hothead and hasn't learn to let off steam properly. Having a temper doesn't make you a bad person Lynn! You just need to be more conscious of what your emotions do. And this is partially my fault for pushing you so much."

"Linc..." Lynn murmurs, before wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight, "Thanks."

Lincoln returned her hug. It felt nice, cathartic, to shed the frustration they'd inflicted on themselves so far and just soak in some friendly warmth.

The moment was ended by the rapid patter of feet in the hall just before the door burst open. "So I hear Lynn been developing a bit of anger management trouble!?"

"GAH!" Lynn and Lincoln slipped off the bed, startled by Clyde's loud intrusion of the moment.

"Oh geez, sorry you two! It's just that Lucy said something to that effect, and I thought it would be a good chance for me to pass on all the emotional control lessons Dr. Lopez has given me. I thought it'd be fun!"

"Uh... okay? You up for this Lynn?" Lincoln ventured uncertainly.

Lynn sighed, "Fine, but can I get some lunch first."

"Oh yes of course!" Clyde assured them, "You've been approaching this from the direction I'm sorry to say; the goal should always be to keep the client in a positive state of mind, not to manage a negative one. Eating properly is necessary to keeping your spirits up. You guys grab a meal, meanwhile I go set up a meditative space!"

"See," Lincoln said as his buddy took off to prepare, "That's what I was talking about Lynn; Clyde's full Psychology stuff, he'll get us on the right track."

Lynn snorted, "I'll be fine with him as long as he doesn't set me up on another one-on-one match with Lola."

.Oo

Days passed and shenanigans ensued under the guidance of "Guru Clyde", though thankfully with far less invitation for violence. And so when the weekend rolled in with Lynn's next game, she felt ready to keep her cool and carry the day.

"It sure looks hectic today; you sure you'll be able to handle it?" Lincoln asks Lynn half-rhetorically as he, the rest of their sisters, and Clyde file into the stands.

"Dude, I'll be fine. Watch me."

Clyde takes the opportunity to jump up and begin calling advice. "Do your breathing exercises while off the field! Tune out any attempts to deliberately anger you! Always look first to the people in your corner!"

Lynn laughed airily, "You sit down with the rest of them Lincoln, and get Clyde to calm down." And with a grin, she joined her team.

The game played out as a cavalcade of stampeding girls, claws and hoofs lashing out for the ball, tails and wings buffeting anyone who tried to take possession of it.

Lynn ran at the epicenter for most of it. She battled to keep the ball in her team control, and was laser-focused. She wasn't fazed by spills, she didn't butt heads with rival players, and she took every call in stride.

Then it came down to the wire: score all tied, overtime ran out, and Lynn had the final penalty kick.

The opposing goalie was a Hornet-girl, wings buzzing in agitation as she jeered Lynn.

"Come on firecracker, gimme your best shot! I got every corner of this net locked down! And if you try to roast me like heard you did in your last game, I'll jab you back good!"

Lynn did not react to her taunts, she only cared about lining up the shot. It was a tense moment as she cocked her legs and the Hornet dropped her attempts at psyching her out to center herself as well.

Finally, with a hidden smirk, Lynn spiked the ball. It rocketed forward in a high arch, and the goalie leaped up to intercept it, wings working surreptitiously to boost her jump, but the ball suddenly dipped in the air and span right under her feet.

Lynn's team and their supporters went wild, cheering and clapping as Lynn broke out into a victory dance on the field. Lincoln and the rest of the Loud Sisters whooped as heartily as everyone else. Clyde was shouting "Thattagirl, thattagirl! All she needed was to learn to get her anger under control and she's gold!"

While the emotions were running high, the soccer ball was slowly rolling back into the field out of the goal net. It nudged up against Lynn's foot, and reflexively she hugged it up by her feet and grabbed it out of the air. Unthinkingly, she twirled and leapt as high as she could, soccer ball held over her head, than slammed it on the ground, were it went off in an explosion that instantly cut off the jubilee. Everyone looked in shock at the burst, burning rubber and the circle of impacted soil and ring of burning grass Lynn had unthinkingly made.

Clyde leaned in sheepishly to Lincoln's ear, "Should have considered temping down on other kinds of emotional outbursts as well."

Before Lincoln could reply, an official came around in front of the family. "Someone's gonna have to pay for that."

To all this Lincoln had only one thing to say.

"Dang it."


End file.
